St. Margaret's Episcopal Church
Beacons of Christ light, love, and hope in the world

Painful Awareness

“The spirit is willing but the flesh
is weak” Matthew 26: 41

“Hello, Brain, this is Throat, you
better get someone down here, I think somebody killed the kid!” Bill Cosby, Tonsils

I’m into my third week of yoga and weight lifting and I have been very successful in my Lenten goal of being aware of my body – it hurts. Getting in and out of the car can evoke an utterance not found in scripture. I have felt muscles that had moved into retirement long ago. They are none to happy about being pressed back into service.  The newness is wearing off.

How do we continue on when, as the saying goes, the thrill is gone? This is the phase in the journey where, like a pilot, we learned to fly not by sight but by the instruments. It is very hard to operate from a place deeper in ourselves than our surface emotions. It is hard for a pilot to surrender the view of what’s ahead and learn to trust the instruments. I imagine that, initially, this is not fun for a pilot. We trust what our eyes tell us. But, I’m reminded of John Kennedy Jr., who died flying a plane because he trusted his eyes. Apparently, a pilot can easily, in the right circumstances, lose his orientation and despite having perfect vision cannot distinguish up from down. Actually, the instruments become more trustworthy than eyesight.

Spiritual practices are our instrument panel. When enthusiasm wanes and the everyday struggles or ennui of life start to wear us down we realize that we must tap into something deeper. When the feelings subside is when we learned to ‘walk by faith not by sight.’ Our spiritual life needs spiritual practices to keep our orientation true. Daily prayer, Sunday worship in community, reading the Bible, acts of service and
justice making keep us grounded. These are the things we do whether we feel like it or not.   These practices help keep us on the path through those desert moments till the emotions return – and they will, for they come and go.

I will walk by sight for now. Hopefully it will produce a life that has the ability to look without and within for guidance and a body that is, hopefully, flexible and strong.

The Heart hath Reasons that Reason knows not of - Blaise Pascal

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. -Proverbs 4:23

They asked each other “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with
us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” - Luke 24:32

As I’ve mentioned, my Lenten journey is focusing on the awareness of my body. So here are some thoughts on that subject. The above quotes often are relegated to the realm of poetry, but science is telling us to rethink that position. This thought that the body is just the brain’s car has been proven to be untrue. The question is becoming which is really doing the leading the brain or the body?

HeartMath Institute has made some interesting observations. They have shown that 90 to 95 percent of the information that the nerves carry are not going from the brain to the body but from the body to the brain. The heart tells the brain much more than the brain tells the heart.

When readings of heartbeats are taken it turns out that the pause between the beats can tell what emotional state a person is in. The heart can send a negative emotional signal and inhibit the brain. We cannot think clearly. When the heart beats it creates a large electro-magnetic field that radiates beyond our body. If you wire up two people the heartbeat of one is picked up by the brain of the other and vice versa the beat of the heart can have a physiological effect on the other person. It brings a new perspective on the
times when we say that we are getting a weird vibe off someone.

Another study showed that when shown series of pictures of all kinds the body would start to react to a scary picture 2 seconds before it came up. The body seemed to know what the future picture was going to be. The heart is the first system that knows this information.

These are some of the things that have caused me to increase my awareness of my body. It is the body not the rational awareness of the brain that first encounters the world around us and the people around us. What does that mean for our spirituality?  Western Christianity, following Descartes, has not valued the body. It has in most cases removed the body from the worship experience. There is very little dancing or body movement that one sees in other religions around the world. We seemed to be praying with half our being.

Things to consider

Humility

“Blessed are the poor
in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven” Jesus

“You cannot learn
anything when your cup is full” Zen saying

Yoga class attendance
today – 29 women, Me

“We’re men, men in
tights, we’re BUTCH! Robin’s Merry Men

Being the only man in a room full of women doing yoga is pretty much the end of dignity, but I will not wear tights! I’m convinced women have a physiological advantage in this activity designed by the creator to make me feel bad about myself. Besides this challenge I, also, choose to make a Lenten discipline of lifting weights with a 20 year old. I need to be honest and confess that I am much closer to 39 than I am to 20. Again, I have my limitations put in front of my face. Wisdom tells me not to try and keep up – Yeah, well, we will see about that! The bottom line is that without humility I will get nowhere.

More often than not pride has been the reason I have turned down opportunities of personal growth and change. Of course, at the time pride is not the designated reason. All of a sudden I’m too busy or not interested. I’ve never said, “Sorry, I’m too prideful to do that right now.” Not wanting to look bad or the possibility of failing has left me, at times, playing it safe, stuck, and untransformed.

Our culture does not inspire humility. We promote self-confidence and rising to the top in a culture driven by competition. It’s humorous to be asked in an interview, “Tell us, what your weaknesses are?”  “Hmm…yea, that weakness thing….hmmm….well, really, let me be candid, I just work too hard!”  Humbleness is hardly a thriving virtue in America, perhaps, the world. But most of this comes from an unhealthy idea of
what it means to have humility. “Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.”Number 12:3 .  Anyone half familiar with Moses knows there must be another definition what it means to be humble.

Being poor in spirit and emptying your cup say the same thing. People willing to be beginners and learners are people possessing humility. They will move closer to the kingdom experience and enlightenment. Humility is not a deferential attitude it is the ability to see ourselves as we really are. It is the virtue that will coax us into new ways and challenges.

Are you willing to be a beginner to grope along in the darkness of the unfamiliar? The words of Jesus trouble and challenge us,  “He who seeks to save his life will lose it, he that loses his life for my sake will find it.”

^“But it is not the spiritual that is first, but the physical, and
then the spiritual” 1 Cor. 15:46

This verse is the reason I chose to focus on the body this Lent.  But these Lenten disciplines of yoga and working out with my young parishioner beg the question, “Just when is this going to happen?”  Somehow time has to be made available participate in these activities.  In a culture which created the phrase 24/7, time is a precious commodity. But the natural – physical task of just making time must precede any spiritual experience of my two activities.

I watched a symposium on spirituality, and a panel of three nationally known writers on spirituality were fielding questions from the audience.  A woman asked a question about how she could live a ‘centered life’ when she had the schedule she had.  She spoke about the umpteen boards she served on and the writing she was trying to do, as well as having a full time job and
being a wife and mother.  All three panelist offered sound practices to balance her unbalanced life.  What struck me strange is that not one said, “Perhaps, you are too busy.”  We live in a culture that idolizes busyness; “if you want to get something done ask a busy person to do it.”

One of my favorite metaphors for repentance is weeding.  Before something new can be planted somethingmmust be removed to make room. The Ash Wednesday call to repentance is one of making room.  Spiritual practices free us from the tyranny of the many things.  Up until the late 1980’s the top three reasons for divorce were sex, in-laws, and money.  They took turns each year on which was number one.  In the late ‘80s they were all dethroned as over-commitment of time became the number one reason for divorce.

As Lent begins, consider your time.  Look at your calendar.  Is there any space?  Many people’s minds go to the idea of sacrifice during Lent.  What are we willing to sacrifice?  The word sacrifice is made up by two Latin words that mean, ‘to make holy.’  This could be a joyful activity, a Sabbath rest in which we reclaim our lives from the tyranny of the urgent.  Such self– examination of our lives can bring a holy balance back to into our lives.

“And so we are going to establish a school for the service of
the Lord. In founding it we hope to introduce nothing harsh or burdensome.”

From the Prologue of the Rule of St. Benedict

When I was young, dinner was both a moment of enjoyment and frustration.  For a hungry child, the arrival to the table of the classic comfort food of the sixties was an ‘out of body’ experience.  Meatloaf and mash potatoes, fried chicken, pot roast stew, the list goes on. It was all the things I can’t eat now without buying new clothes.  But, you know, a parent can’t let a child have too much fun.  Along with the blissful tastes came a relentless barrage of “sit up straight”, “chew with your mouth closed”, “use your napkin not your sleeve”, “don’t reach across the table – ask”, “don’t talk with your mouth full”, “not that fork the other one”, “you are not leaving the table till you eat that, and all the children in China are no longer hungry”!

When I was four, five, and six it seemed overwhelming.  I felt I would never master all of it, and I almost wondered if it was worth it.  I was left with feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and lingering resentments
for Chinese children.

In truth, I did master it – despite what my mother says – and I am glad for all the table manners. They actually do enhance the dining experience.  And the main point for today’s reflection is that they are now second nature and I do them by reflex.  The table practices are not harsh or burdensome.

Spiritual practices are meant to enhance our lives, not burden them. They help bring mindfulness and balance to our everyday lives. They remind us of the presence of God. Their point is not to make God love us more; they are practices that help us love God more.  At first, they are unfamiliar and difficult and they require effort.  But soon a real practice becomes part of us  I am engaging in several practices over Lent
but I don’t expect all of them to accompany me after Lent. I don’t know if yoga will become part of my life or not.  At this stage the better question is, “will I stick with yoga through Lent”?

Practices can be overtly religious, such as, daily scripture reading, a daily time of prayer, an outreach or mission endeavor. They can, also, be a morning coffee time with a spouse,  or a weekly lunch witha child.  A spiritual practice is something that we engage so that we might have life and life more abundantly,
something that draws us closer to God and each other. The second century saint, Iraneus, describes our goal, “the spiritual person is a person fully alive”.  In the process, discover that there is not a religious
or secular, there is just life and it all is holy.

Consider something, not burdensome or harsh, that will cause these forty days to be different. Please share your decisions in the comments, if you’re willing.+

Why the body?!?  This might be the reaction to my announcement that during Lent I will be focusing on balance in my life, and in my walk with God.  To pursue a spiritual goal takes spiritual disciplines, so it occurred to me that I would approach balance through my body by taking up yoga.  I am also focusing another spiritual discipline for my body, and that is to lift weights twice a week with a twenty year old member of our congregation.  After some practice sessions with both disciplines I’m not sure I will be here at the end of Lent. My left ear is the only thing that doesn’t hurt.

But back to the body.  The word ‘salvation’ in the New Testament implied healing and freedom.  True, also, of the word ‘savior’,  which comes from the Greek soter meaning ‘healer’.  Jesus, in his healing ministry, was as concerned for the body and the soul.  Western Christianity, following Descartes, has not valued the body in the practice of faith.  In fact the West, in general, has held the opinion that the mind and body are not connected.  It is more like the relationship of a driver to a car.  The driver is inside, but they are two distinct things.

In much western Christian thought,  the soul’s desire is to someday be free of the body.   The body is the arena in which sin is encountered.  The body is dirty.  But Genesis tells us that God took the clay of the earth, formed man and then blew breathe into him and he became a living soul. Clay and breathe became one thing – not two.  St. Paul tells us that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and when Jesus offered his ultimate gift we hear the words “this is my body, which is given for you.”

So my Lenten journey will be ruminations on a holistic encounter with spirituality.  How does the body play into our spiritual life?  My hope is that my postings will cause you to reflect on your own Lenten journey and I hope you share those reflections under ‘comments’.  Whether it is something about my journey or yours, please add your voice, which will make this a much richer endeavor.

Nine hours ’til a work out with the twenty year old!….Come quickly Lord Jesus!!